Hold the Plan with Open Hands

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I planned a small writing retreat. The idea was simple enough. Me, the dogs, and a couple days with time to write and time to walk the dogs. I needed some margin. Settling into a good forty-eight hours away from my usual responsibilities, with writing as my only real work, is transformative for me

I was looking forward to this one. I’d been feeling so much behindness, probably because my brain was percolating new ideas as while I was trying to finish several projects.

I packed the car, loaded all three dogs, and our retreat began.

As I unpacked, I realized I had left all the food at home, including the obligatory hot dogs/dog treat/bribes to keep the canines happy when it’s writing time instead of walking time.

Not a good start.

I put three unhappy dogs back into the car and drove back to get the groceries. Once everything was loaded, the second time, I climbed into the driver’s seat and turned the key.

Nothing.

No grind. No click.

Nothing.

On a hot day, with three dogs, and the hot dogs they’d been promised. This was not the retreat I had planned. I could have made the car the center of attention here, cancelled everything, stayed home until I figured out the mechanical problem. I’m not saying that’s a bad choice.

It just wasn’t the choice I made.

I knew the car could sit at home safely for two days, so I packed the dogs and the food into our I-taught-all-the-kids-to-drive also known as our beater car. It’s very useful for muddy dog situations, excessive snow and “my car is in the shop” moments, so we still have it. It’s much smaller than the van I usually drive and the dogs protested the accommodations, but I was holding hot dogs.

We were crowded.

There was canine groaning.

We still went.

My original plan was just one way of getting to the retreat. The actual purpose was to make space for writing, walking, quiet, and margin. That distinction helps me with my expectations about how it would happen. Expectations help us plan. They can be useful. We expect the car to start, so we pack it for the trip. We expect people to come for dinner, so we buy groceries. We expect the gathering to happen outside, so we set up chairs in the yard. A plan gives us structure and helps us make decisions ahead of time.

Open hands help us remember that the structure can change. I was not delighted about the car. I didn’t transfer all the dogs into the much smaller vehicle while singing happy show tunes. I did pivot.

We can prepare carefully and still discover that our expectations are not the only thing in play. Weather changes. Cars refuse to start. People have schedules and preferences of their own. Open hands give us room to take the next step in the middle of what is actually happening.

November is in plain sight, and that feels especially useful for the holidays coming up. We may have expectations about who will come, when they will arrive, how long they will stay, and what everyone will do together. We may picture a full table, familiar traditions and time with adult children. We may also forget they now have homes, schedules, relationships and extended families of their own.

Our expectations can help us make plans, but our picture of the holiday is not automatically an agreement everyone else has made.

Holding the holidays with open hands means we can hope everyone will come and have an honest conversation about what is possible. The time together may look different thank we hoped. It may be shorter, happen on another day, or sometimes take the form of a phone call. We can still notice and receive what is available.

Expectation helps us plan. Open hands help us remember what the plan was meant to serve:

Connection.

Celebration.

Rest.

Writing.

Time together.

The plan is the structure. The purpose is what we want to protect.

When the plan changes, the purpose may still be available.

This week, notice where you have plans that you hold tightly. Name what you expected, then what the plan was meant to serve.

Protect that purpose, and let the structure change when it needs to.

If you’ve got a plan that isn’t going quite according to plan, message me. (paigekullmancoaching@gmail.com) We can set up a call so you can experience coaching yourself. My treat. 😉 

I’ll be cheering you on,

 

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