The Shadow of the Shoulds

The Shadow of the Shoulds

In the middle of a really busy day, a really good idea landed. Fireworks. Music. That “this is it!” kind of idea. It lit me up inside and made me want to dance around. It wasn’t on my to-do list. It wasn’t part of my plan.

But there it was—my shiny, shimmery creative moment. I felt alive. Wonderful. Ready to go. I wanted to drop everything and chase that idea like a kid running barefoot down a hill.

Unfortunately, this was also the part of the day I usually do my pay-the-bills work. I don’t mean managing money. I mean the work that earns the check that keeps the lights on.

The grown-up stuff.
The responsible stuff.
The “should” with a salary.

For a second, I was caught in the in-between. It wasn’t a movie-highlight crossroads moment—just a small integrity conflict that felt oddly huge. A tiny moment... casting a long shadow.

Both choices felt true.
Both had purpose.

But only one made me feel alive in the moment.

This is the shadow of the shoulds.

That voice that says:
“You should finish that first.”
“You should focus.”
“You should spend more time on that.”
“You should not chase whims like you're twenty and carefree.”

But there’s another voice, too.

“I love this idea.”
“I’m busting at the seams with energy to get started.”
“Let’s go!”

So what do we do?

Sometimes, I compromise.
Thirty minutes for the idea—just enough oxygen to keep the flame lit.
Then I return to the thing I didn’t want to do—but with more of me present to it.

Sometimes, I flip the order entirely.
I ride that energy while it’s here.

I’ve learned that honoring the spark doesn’t mean dishonoring the structure.
It means I’m alive inside my own life.

Yes, sometimes I do the grown-up thing first.
Not because I’m ignoring joy,
but because I’m choosing integrity in a different way.

I’m choosing the path that honors my commitments today,
so I can make space for creativity tomorrow.

The key is this:

I don’t shame myself for wanting to do the other thing.
I name it.
I write it down.
I tell myself,
“Oh… that’s so good. We’ll come back to it.”

That’s grown-up integrity.

Not just doing the hard thing,
but noticing which part of you is choosing it.

Not silencing the whispers of desire,
but listening for the right time to answer them.

Not always choosing the most productive path,
but choosing the most honest one you can in that moment.

So today, if you’re in a tug-of-war…
If the “shoulds” are casting long shadows over your joy…

Pause.
Name the spark.
Notice the pull.

And remember: energy is a form of truth, too.

I’ll be cheering you on as you listen to your energy, not just your responsibilities.

xo,
Paige